Slut skills are useful in every country.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
