I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I seem to have left my pride at pride
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
