He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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