I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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