I'm lost and stupid without you.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
