RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Ketchup is God's man juice
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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