It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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