Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
