why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
