This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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