We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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