dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
