i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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