when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
