do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
