eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
