Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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