ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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