I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
