it's too hot outside to masturbate.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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