I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize