She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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