I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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