Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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