so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
