I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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