So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I think I have vodka in my lungs
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
