i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
