I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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