Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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