the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
