You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
