My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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