Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
