I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
