Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
