is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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