After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
