im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize