Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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