A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
