Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
