Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
