And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
