How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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