Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
