The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
