I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
