I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
They took my balls.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
