I feel like abortions should bother me more
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
