I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
