fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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