Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize