i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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