I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
