I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize