I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Sober January is a disaster.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So much rum. So many feels.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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