yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
