I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
