You don't have asthma, your pregnant
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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