I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
