I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
