Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize