respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
