I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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