i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
