i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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