This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm like, not good at living.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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