i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
