I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
