carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
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