please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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