I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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