do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
