Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
