I just cut my nipple shaving
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize