I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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