i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he thought i was a dude.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
