Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
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