We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i wish my penis had a tongue
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
