I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
