you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
