The maid of honor just puked.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
