my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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