When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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