What did we do last night that was yellow?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
