If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize