mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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