He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
