Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Randomize
