I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
